Inshuro nyinshi mu baginiro byigisha uburere buboneye no mu biganiro byigisha uburenganzira bw’umwana; uzumva ababyeyi, abarezi ndetse n’abandi bafite mu nshingano imibereho myiza y’umwana basabwa kureka gukubita abana. Kuberako gukubita abana byabaye umuco w’igihe kirekire, ndetse yaba ubyigisha n’ubyigishwa bose akenshi baba barakubiswe, iki ni kimwe mu biganiro bitera impaka cyane. Uzumva abantu bavuga bati wasiba kumukubita wihanukiriye cg bikabije ariko akanyafu karakenewe. Abigisha uburenganzira bw’umwana nabo ugasanga bavuga ko akanyafu katagira igipimo ariyo mpamvu icyitwa gukubita iyo kiva kikagera gikwiriye guhagarara. Ababyeyi benshi, ndetse n’abarezi kwakira iyi nkuru nziza ariko nshyashya bifatwa nk’ibidashoboka. Benshi usanga bibaza bati ariko se koko umwana wamushobora utamunyuzaho akanyafu rimwe na rimwe. Abandi bati umwana udakubitwa akura uko abishaka kandi akazaba ikigenge. Nibyo koko babyeyi namwe barezi guhana umwana birakenewe kugirango azakurane umuco n’ikinyabupfura. Ariko gukubita umwana sibyo by’ibanze kuko n’abanyarwanda bavugango inkoni ivuna igufa ariko ntivuna ingeso. None umuntu yakwibaza ati ni gute nagera ku ngeso kandi ntavunnye igufa. Ibi nibyo tugiye kukubwira muri iki kiganiro.Ariko ubundi kuki umubyeyi cyangwa umurezi bakubita abana?

N’ubwo abayeyi cg abarezi bakubita abana baba bibwirako bari ku bahana ariko abahanga mu mitekerereze n’imyitwarire ya muntu bagaragaza ko gukubita umwana biva ku mpamvu zikurikira:

Impamvu ya mbere : Ni uko umubyeyi cyangwa umurezi aribwo buryo azi bwonyine bwo guhana. Ntawe utanga icyo adafite. Ibi hari ababikorana umutima w’urukundo bumva intego yabo ari uguhindura imyitwarire y’umwana ariko hari n’ababikorana umutima w’inzika no kwihimura kubyo nabo bakorewe bakiri bato maze bakumvako nta mwana wabazanaho imiteto mu gihe bo bakorewe ibirenze ibyo. Aba babyeyi bose uzumva bavug ako icyatumye baba abantu bazima ari inkoni bakubiswe ku bwibyo umwana barera ntiyaba muzima adakubiswe, uruhererekane rwo kurwana rukaba rutangiye ubwo. Bene iyi myitwarire yo kumvako umuntu atajya ku murongo adakubiswe yinjira mu mwana akiri muto cyane, maze nawe hagira umukosereza agahita amukubita, uwo akubise nawe aramwishyura birumvika maze intambara ikarota. Iyo nk’umubyeyi ababonye cg umurezi igihe bari nko ku ishuri nawe arabahamagara, akabapfukamisha, akabakubita bose kugirango batazongera. ibyo bituma umwana arushaho kumvako rwose kugirango imyitwarire mibi icike aruko ukubita uwayigize, maze umuco mubi wo kurwana mu bantu ugakomeza guhererekanywa.  Hari n’igihe aba bana uretse no kuba bakubitwa ariko bajya banabona ababyeyi babo iyo barakaranyije umuti ari ukurwana, maze abana bamwe bagakomeza kubonako uburyo bwo gukemura ikibazo bugomba kunyura mu mirwano. Abanyarwanda bati uwiba ahetse aba yigisha uri mu mugongo.

Impamvu ya kabiri : Ni uko baba bizeye neza ko batabishyura. Umubyeyi iyo abanguye inkoni, urushyi rwiza rwiza, urutsinga, gupfukamisha umwana mu bisate by’amacupa cg amabuye n’ibindi bihano byinshi bikakaye n’uko aba yizeye neza ko uwo mwana agiye kubikorera badashobora guhangana. Muzabibona rwose umwana iyo amaze kuba umusore aho ntawamuhangara, aha ndavuga mu gihe cy’ubugimbi mu myaka hagati ya 17-25 uzasanga akora amakosa arenze ayo yakoraga akiri muto. Ndetse ababyeyi benshi bagira umujinya mwinshi bakamutonganya bikabije ariko kuko baba baziko batamushobora ntawatinyuka no ku mukoraho. Hari ababyeyi bamwe batava ku izima bakagerageza gukubita umusore cg inkumi bifitiye amaraso ashyushe maze bagahita babaha isomo rikomeye guhera ubwo ntibongere amarere yabo na za nkoni zabo zigata agaciro ubwo. Mubyeyi nawe murezi ukubita umwana wongere umenye ko nawe uri mu kiciro kirenganya abanyantege nke nubwo akenshi ubikora uziko ugambiriye ineza. Abasore benshi barezwe bakubitwa, batitaweho nabo sibo barota bagize imbaraga kugirango bihimure kuwaba ashaka kubagirira nabi wese. Niyo mpamvu barezi, nkuko duhora tubibabwira mwitondere abana kuko n’abasore, n’ababyeyi b’ejo ibyo mubakorera nibyo bazamenya maze duhore mu ruhererekane rw’umutima mubi.

Impamvu ya gatatu: ni ukuganzwa kw’imbaraga z’urukundo ziri mu muntu n’amarangamutima ye. Aha n’igihe umwana akoze ikintu kidasanzwe maze umubyeyi mu buryo buhubutse rwose akazabiranwa n’uburakari atari uko yanze umwana agahita amukubita. Aha inshuro nyinshi iyo amaze ku mukubita aricuza bikomeye, hari igihe usanga yanamukomerekeje cg yanamubabaje ariko akavugako atabishakaga. Ibi byose nkuko duhora tubigarukaho biterwa n’uburyo twatojwe kubaho n’uburyo duhitamo kubaho. Maze umuco wacu ukaba uwo kuganzwa n’amarangamutima urukundo rwacu rugapfa ubusa. Babyeyi barezi, nimwongere mwiyubakemo umutima w’urukundo nyarukundo. Burya urukundo rurihangana, rukagira neza, ntiruhutiraho, ntirutekereza ikibi ku bantu, ntirwishimira gukiranirwa kw’abandi ahubwo rwishimira ukuri, rubabarira byose, rwizera byose, rwiringira byose, rwihanganira byose. Urukundo ntabwo ruzashira.

Nibyo koko urukundo ntiruzashira, Niyo mpamvu mubyeyi nawe murezi tugushishikariza gutangira kwiyemeza guhindura imyumvire y’ahahise, binyuze mu kwitekerezaho no gushaka uburyo wakira ibikomere by’amateka maze ukagira urukundo nyakuri. Menyako dukwiye gutanga umurage mushya wuzuye amahoro n’ubumuntu. Ushobora kuba warakubiswe rwose, none ubu wabaye umuntu mukuru kandi wishoboye ariko s’inkoni zabikugize kuko n’ibyo wishimira wagezeho ntiharimo umubare w’inkoni wakubiswe ku ishuri cg mu muryango. Nubwo tutabizi neza ariko n’ubu hari igihe waba ugira amakosa nyamara ntabwo ugikosozwa inkoni.Wenda ntabwo wajyaga ubyitaho ariko guhera none reka kwitura inabi abaziranenge. Shaka inziranyayo yo kwiyubaka umutima maze uhe umurage mwiza abakunyura mu biganza bose.

Mubyeyi nawe murezi menyako kurera biri mu nshingano zawe ugomba kubahiriza kandi ukazikora neza. Uzasanga ababyeyi benshi nta muntu wakora ku irangi munzu, ku marido, gusharura inzu byo ari kizira, gukandagira mu ntebe ari amahano kandi ababyeyi nabo bagatanga urugero kugirango hatagira uwangiza imitungo yabo. Ku batunzi usanga inka ze no kuzituka ari ikizira ariko gukubita umwana iyo akosheje nta kibazo. Babyeyi nkuko mufite inshingano zo kwita no kurinda ku mitungo yanyu, itanabazi, mufite n’inshingano zo kwita no kurinda kubo mwahaye amahirwe yo kubaho, ntihagire ubakoraho kandi mukababera urugero rwiza.  Iyo tugeze hano ariko abantu baribaza bati ese ubwo koko umwana ntituzamugira bajeyi? none tugire dute ngo tubone icyo tuzasimbuza inkoni, kandi tugahana abana bacu uko bikwiye ntibabe ibyigenge? Niyo mpamvu tugiye kubagezaho uburyo umubyeyi akwiriye kwitwara no guhana umwana we kandi atamuhutaje.

Hari uburyo butatu ababyeyi bagomba gukoresha mu kurushaho gukosora no guha umurongo imyitwarire y’abana.  Iyo ubu buryo bwose bwitaweho umwana abaho neza kandi ntabwo ashobora kuba ikigenge kabone nubwo adakubitwa.

Uburyo bwa mbere ni ugushimangira imyitwarire myiza umwana agize: Igihe cyose umwana wawe agaragaje imyitwarire iboneye, nko kuvuga neza, kwakira abantu neza, gutsinda mu ishuri, kwibwiriza gukora ikintu, kubaha ibyo umubwiye utagombye guhatiriza, mubyeyi ibuka guhita umushimira. Burya umuntu wese uretse n’umwana iyo ashimwe mu byiza akora ahora aharanira iteka gukora ibyiza kugirango ashimwebiruseho.

Uburyo bwa kabiri ni uguca intege imyitwarire mibi yagaragaye ku mwana ariko udakoreshe ibihano:  Igihe umwana yakosheje aho kugirango ujye uhora iteka umubwirako uzamuhana, ukamubwirako natongera gukora iryo kosa uzamuhemba. Urugero n’abana batukana cyane cg banyara ku buriri. 

Niyo mpamvu aho kumubwira ko uzamukubita niyongera gutukana cg kunyara ku buriri ahubwo umubwirako uzamuhemba nadatukana cg natanyara ku buriri kdi koko wabona ko yabicitseho ukamugenera igihembo. Ibihembo iteka s’amafaranga abana cyimwe n’abantu bakuru n’ijambo bravo, ndagushimiye, ndakukunda mwana wanjye, rirabanezeza. Iyo ubikoze gutya uba uri guha umwana inshingano zo kwikura mu makosa wenyine kugirango azongere ashimwe. Noneho aho guhora mu bihano mu gahora mu mashimwe.

Uburyo bwa gatatu n’ibihano bidahutaza: Iri jambo guhana ntirikwiye kumvikana nk’ijambo rigomba gukoreshwa umubyeyi yagize umujinya. Kuko igihe cyose umuntu yagize umujinya ibyo akora biba biyobowe n’amarangamutima kandi nta musaruro mwiza bigira. Guhana bivuga guca intege imyitwarire itaboneye y’umwana.Ibyo abonye ari byiza akabishima, ibyo abonye ari bibi akabinenga, kandi agahana umwana ngo atazabisubiramo. kugirango umubyeyi amenye imyitwarire itaboneye nuko akurikirana ubuzima bwa buri munsi bw’umwana. Nyamara hari gihe kubera guhugira muri rwinshi umwana ibyo tumuhanira aba yarabigize akamenyero abimaranye n’igihe kirekire we ataziko ari bibi. Niyo mpamvu igihe umubyeyi cg umurezi babonyeko ari ngombwa guhana umwana kugirango atazavaho aba ikigenge,bakwiriye gutanga ibihano mu buryo bwuje ubumuntu kandi budahutaza.  Ibyo mubyeyi nawe murezi uzabigeraho ari uko mbere y’uko utanga ibihano turi bubabwire ubanza kwita kuri ibi bintu bikurikira:

Icya mbere: kubanza kumwereka ingaruka imyitwarire ye imugizeho.  Urugero, niba umwana agize ikinyabupfura gike, kumusaba kwandika ibaruwa isaba imbabazi n’ingamba afashe ngo bitazasubira. Icyo gihe rero uramubwira uti nibyo koko ntunejejwe nuko wanditse ibaruwa, ariko iyo n’ingaruka y’amakosa wakoze. Nutayongera ntibizongera kukubaho.

Icya 2: Gufata umwanya uhagije wo kuganira ku ikosa ryakozwe:  Ubundi iki nacyo n’igihano kuko ubundi umuntu wakosheje agira ikimwaro, kumuhamagara rero ngo muganire kandi mwigire hamwe uko bitazasubira nabyo n’igihano.

Icya 3: Kwirinda kugira amarangamutima  uri gutanga igihano. Mubyeyi igihe wahaye igihano umwana Niba mwarumvikanye ko azagikora iminsi 2, kandi ukaba ubona aribyo bikwiye, witwarwa n’amarangamutima cg impuhwe nyinshi kuko bituma umwana yumvako niyongera kubikora uzamubabarira. Guma ku cyemezo wafashe n’igihano wamuhaye ugikomeze

Icya4: Fasha umwana kwishakamo ibisubizo n’inzira izatuma adasubira mu makosa yahaniwe. Ibi ushobora kubikora umubaza nk’ikibazo uti n’iki wumva ukwiriye gukora kugirango utazongera guhanwa? Cyeretse iyo kibaye ari igihano cy’amafuti kidakora ku marangamutima y’umuntu ubundi ibi bituma umwana atekereza cyane kwirinda amafuti

Icya 5: Ereka umwana ko yakosheje kandi ko agomba kwirengera ingaruka biri bumugireho: nubwo nta gihano gishimisha, ariko ugomba kwereka abana ko byose byatewe n’imyitwarire yabo idahwitse, wibijenjekera.

Icya 6: Ugomba kwirinda kwereka umwana wawe ko wamwanze, wamutesheje agaciro, cg kumusebya. Ikigenderewe mu guhana umwana n’ukumwigisha no guca intege imyitwarire mibi.

Iyo wubahirije izi nama zose, ushobora gutanga bimwe mu bihano bidahutaza bikurikira:

1. Kubuza umwana kujya mu mikino , imyidagaduro cg gusohoka ukamusobanurira ko ari ukuberako yakosheje ariko ukamushakira ikindi kintu aba akora nk’akazi ko murugo, kwiga,  ..
2. Niba abana bagiraga igihe cyo kureba television kubayifite, ushobora kubabwirako batazongera kuyireba mu gihe runaka mwumvikanyeho.
3. Igihe umwana yakosheje kandi ukabona akwiriye igihano aho kumukubita ushobora kumuhanisha gukora imirimo y’amaboko ahantu hanini ariko hatarenze ubushobozi bwe.
4. Niba ari umunyeshuri wakosheje, aho kugirango akubitwe ahubwo umuha ibintu byinshi byo kwiga. Ibi nubwo biri bumuvune nk’igihano nyine kugirango atazongera ariko biranamwongerera ubumenyi kuri ibyo bintu,
5. Hari abana bagaragaza imyitwarire idahitswe: Kurwana, gutukana, gusuzugura … Kuva igihe ubiboneye ko ari ikibazo ushobora 4 guhita utegura igihe gihoraho cyo kwigisha abo bana ibibi by’iyo myitwarire kandi unabereka icyo bayisimbuza. mbese bimeze nk’iyo abakozi ku kazi bakora amakosa menshi maze umuyobozi wabo aho kubakubita agategura amahugurwa. Ariko iyo bijyanye no guhana umubyeyi cg umurezi asobanurira abana ko impamvu yateguye izo nyigisho arukubera imyitwarire yabo.

Izi ni ingero, mubyeyi nawe murezi ushobora ushobora kuba uzi izindi tutavuze wakwifashisha ik’ingenzi ni uko guhana umwana bikoranwa urukundo.

Nkuko tumaze kubibona guhana n’ikintu kigomba kwitonderwa, kigahabwa umwanya, ntigihubukirwe kuko ari igikorwa gikenewe ariko kidashobora kunezeza ugikorerwa. Bityo iyo gihubukiwe gishobora gushyira mu ikosa uwagikoze kandi tukazakomeza kugira uruhererekane rw’abantu babihiwe no kubaho no kudaha agaciro ikiremwa muntu. Twabonye kandi ko umubyeyi agomba gushima imyitwarire myiza abana be bagaragaza, guca intege imyitwarire mibi y’abana abashimira igihe bayiretse, no guhana iyo bibaye ngombwa ariko ibihano bidahutaza. Nyamara ababyeyi benshi bakunda guhana gusa batitaye kuri ibi byose twavuze, kandi n’ibihano byabo bikaba bikakaye bibaza umutima w’uhanwa kuko ntakundi yabigenza. Niyo mpamvu babyeyi namwe barezi kuva uyu munsi tubingingira guhinduka no kwita ku babyeyi muri kurera kugirango dukomeze tugire abantu buje amahoro n’ubumuntu.

Nyamara nubwo abantu baziko gukubita aribyo bibabaza gusa, ariko amagambo mabi abwirwa abana, arabasesereza, agatuma bumva batagishaka kubaho kandi bakazayagumana igihe kirekire mu mibereho yabo. Mu kiganiro gitaha, tuzabagezaho ingaruka z’amagambo mabi ku bana ndetse n’igikwiye kuyasimbura kugirango abana bacu barusheho kurangwa n’imico mbonera.

Byanditswe na Mutuyimana Celestin