Nkuko uko dusa, uko tugenda, uko duteye inyuma ku mubiri bifite inkomoko ni nako, imyitwarire yacu, kamere yacu, amarangamutima yacu, imigenzereze yacu nabyo bifite inkomolko. Ntabwo byapfuye kwizana ngo uyu munsi babe bavuga ko uri umunyangeso nziza, umunyamahane, umuntu utajya avuga. Ntabwo byapfuye kwizana ngo uyu munsi ube ugaragara nk’utava ku izima, umunyamagambo, umunyamushiha, utagira impuhwe, umunyabwuzu, usabana, ugira urukundo n’ibindi nkibyo.  Kenshi iyo tubonye umuntu ufite ingeso nziza, utuje, yakira buri wese turamushima, tukumva iteka twabana nawe kubera igikundiro aba afite. Ariko na none iyo tubonye umunyamushiha, umunyagasuzuguro, adasabana, agira amahane, twese tumugendera kure, tukamunegura ariko ni bake bibaza inkomoko y’ibyo byose.

Nibyo koko Bibiliya ibivuga ukuri iti: ufite azongererwa naho udafite yakwe nicyo yarafite. Niyo mpamvu umugwaneza ayihorana kuko ineza ye ikurura benshi maze akanezezwa no guhora iteka afite abantu I ruhande rwe bamufasha, bamwumva kandi bamwitaho niyo yagize ikibazo. Ariko umuntu imyitwarire ye igaragara nk’idahwitse buri wese amugendera kure maze nawe akareba abamuhunga nk’ikibazo agomba kurushaho gushakira ingamba zo guhangana nacyo. Yaba aritwe tumuhunga, tumuvuga, tumunegura dukeneye kumenyako atari we maze tugafasha uyu muntu gukira ibikomere afite nawe akongera akagira umutima w’ubumuntu. Nawe kandi akwiye kumenya inkomoko y’ibitagenda neza muri we maze aho gukomeza kubihagararaho, ku byumva nk’ishema ahubwo agashaka inzira yo kubisohokamo akubaka undi muntu unyuranye na kamere ye ya kera.

Umuntu agira inkomoko eshanu zinyuranye, ababyeyi, umuryango, igihugu, umugabane ndestse n’isi muri Rusange. Izi nkomoko zose zigira uruhare mu kubaka umuntu w’imbere kandi zikuzuzanya; ariko eshatu zibanza nizo zingenzi cyane mu mibereho y’umuntu. Imyitwarire yacu, imivugire, imitekerereze byose bifitenye isano n’inkomoko zacu. Uyu munsi turibanda cyane ku buzima tubayeho none ariko buterwa n’imiryango twakuriyemo.

Nkuko twabigarutseho kenshi mu biganiro byatambutse umuryango niwo soko y’ubuzima bwiza cg bubi. Kurera neza niwo musingi wo kugira abantu buje ubumuntu n’ingeso nziza. Ariko hari benshi bibazabati ariko ubundi kurera neza no kurera nabi bitandukanira hehe? Niyo mpamvu uyu munsi twifuza kugusabonurira uburyo bune butandukanye bwo kurera kugirango wowe uduteze amatwi uri umubyeyi, witegura kuba umubyeyi cg uri umwana mu muryango runaka usobanukirwe n’uko urera abawe cg n’uburere wahawe ndetse n’ingaruka bigira ku bana.

Uburyo bwa mbere bwo kurera: ukurera mu buryo budahutaza

 Umubyeyi urera muri ubu buryo agaragarariza urukundo rwinshi abana be ariko agatanga n’amabwiriza ngenderwaho mu buzima bwabo bwa buri munsi. Aya mabwiriza umubyeyi ayatanga mu buryo bwumvikana kandi akemezwa abana babigizemo uruhare. Urugero, umubyeyi ashobora kuba yifuzako abana be bazatsinda mu ishuri, maze kugirango bazabigereho akababwirako bazajya bakora imikoro bahawe ku ishuri buri saa kumi nimwe n’igice z’umugoroba. Ariko mbere yo kwemeza iryo bwiriza akabanza agasobanurira abana impamvu ry’iryo bwiriza kandi akababaza niba babyemera. Hari igihe abana bashobora kumusubiza bati“papa/cg mama ayo masaha tuba tukinaniwe kuko tugera hano saa kumi nimwe ese ntiwareka tukajya dutangira saa kumi n’ebyiri n’igice?” Icyo gihe iyo umubyeyi n’abana babifasheho icyemezo bikorwa mu ituze kandi buri wese akamenya inshingano ze.  Umubyeyi kandi urera muri ubu buryo ahora iteka agenzura mu buryo butuje ibikorwa byiza abana be bagezeho akabishima kandi anabishimangira ko aribyo biba bikwiye gukorwa. 

Aba babyeyi ntabwo bafata umwanya wo kwita ku makossa akozwe n’umwana, ahubwo afata umwanya munini amwereka uburyo iryo kosa ritakongera kubaho. Urugero niba umwana yatukanye ku ishuri maze bakaregera umubyeyi, aho kugirango afate umwanya munini wo ku mutuka, ku mukubita ahubwo yicarana  n’umwana akamenya impamvu yabimuteye, akamwumva mu marangamutima nta gihunga, bakarebera hamwe ingaruka byagize niyo byashoboraga kugira iyo bikomeza maze akamufasha kubona inzira azanyuramo kugirango atazongera gutukana ukundi. Ashobora kumubwira ati “Mwana wanjye nkuko tubibonye gutukana byadushyize mu kaga yaba ari wowe, abarimu, abanyeshuri ndetse n’umuryango wacu. Nkuko bigaragara n’igikorwa kibi ubwo rero ubutaha umuntu uzajya ugutuka ujye umwihorera kuko bigusiga isura mbi mu bandi kandi bikagira ingaruka mbi kuri twese” Ubu buryo budahutiraho, buha umwana urubuga, bwuje urukundo ariko butemerera umwana gukora icyashatse bwagaragaye ko bwubaka umwana maze nawe akazakurana igikundiro, agahora yishimye, yifitiye icyizere, yubaha kandi agatsinda mu ishuri. Uyu munsi ufite igikundiro, uhora umwenyura, uri umuhanga mu ishuri, urera abana neza? Shimira ababyeyi bawe burya  ntibyapfuye kwizana.

Uburyo bwa kabiri bwo kurera : ukureresha igitsure gikabije

 Umubyeyi urera muri ubu buryo akenshi aba yumva ari mu kuri, yumva akunda abana rwose kandi ashaka kubarinda ikibi, ariko ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko ababyeyi bareresha igitsure cyinshi batagira urukundo rw’abana ahubwo nibo baba bikunda. Baharanira ikuzo ryabo kurusha iry’abana babo. Barangwa no kugira urukundo rucye n’amategeko menshi mu muryango kandi ayo mategeko akaba agomba kubahirizwa nk’Ivangili. Baba bafite ibintu byinshi biteze ku bana babo niyo mpamvu batabaha umwanya n’uburenganzira bwo guhitamo.

Urugero: ababyeyi bize imibare bayitsinda, wenda babikubitirwa maze wenda ikaza kubagirira akamaro usanga nabo bumva ko abana babo bagomba kumva imibare uko byagenda kose. Ariko mubyeyi reka umwana wawe akore ibyo akunda kuko umwana wawe si wowe.  Iyo muri uyu muryango  amategeko yashyizweho atubahirijwe, umwana uyarenzeho arahanwa mu buryo bukabije kandi nta narimwe ajya asobanurirwa impamvu.  Mu ngo nyinshi zireresha igitsure gikabije, usanga harimo amabwiriza akakaye kandi abangamira buri wese ariko kubera imbaraga z’ababyeyi nta numwe ubasha kunyeganyeza urukuta rw’ayo mahame. Uzasanga ari urugo umubyeyi cyane cyane w’umugabo afite ikiyiko cye, intebe yicaramo, umuryango anyuramo, umuntu ugomba kumugaburira n’ibindi. Kuburyo umwana niyo yaba acitswe agasangwa muri iyo ntebe  ya papa arakubitwa maze umubabaro ukamwuzura umutima. Iyo nk’ikiyiko cg isahane bibuze cg bimenetse umubyeyi ashobora kurara atariye kandi buri wese agahangayika kandi bakazabyishyura igihe.  Usanga hari amasaha yo kugera mu rugo kabone niyo waba wahuye n’ibizazane mu nzira nta mwanya wo kwisobanura.

Aba babyeyi barahana bikabije kuburyo bashobora gukubita umwana urusinga, inkoni nyinshi, kugupfukamisha ku ibuye, kugushyira akaboko mu ziko, kukuraza ubusa n’ibindi.  Ariko kubera amategeko ubu ibi bihano bisigaye bigaragara hakeya ariko ababyeyi bakabuza amahoro abana mu bundi buryo. N’ababyeyi batajya bihanganira nagato ikosa iryo ariryo ryose umwana akoze. Inshuro nyinshi umwana aba ari mu mikino n’abandi maze akitura hasi atabishaka birumvikana, agakomereka amavi akayasenura, ariko akimara kweguka n’ibikomere bivirirana ukumva ararira cyane ariko wagerageza ku muhoza ukumva arakubwiye ati nukuri noneho iwacu baranyica sinzi icyo mbabwira.  Kandi koko iyo uyu mwana ageze mu rugo n’ibisebe avirirana aho kumwakirana ubwuzu ngo bamwiteho kuko ababara, ahubwo bamwuka inabi bakimubona. Akenshi uzumva umubyeyi w’umugore avuga ati “noneho so turamukizwa n’iki’” kubera ko buri wese aba yarahahamuwe n’uburyo bwo kubaho muri uwo muryango.  Ni kenshi abana bikubita imihini basekura, bimenaho amazi, bamena ikintu batabishakaga ariko aho guhumurizwa bagakubitwa bikabije kandi nta muntu n’umwe wabatabara. Ibi bikorwa ababyeyi babikora bibwirako aribyo bizatuma abana babo bagira uburere bifuza ariko bibatera umubabaro udashira n’ibikomere by’umutima.  Uretse gukubita hari ababyeyi bemera Imana bakamenya na bike mu burenganzira bwa muntu ariko bagahatira bikomeye abana babo gusengera mu idini runaka no kuyoboka imyemerere yabo utabikoze akabihanirwa. Aha niho muzabona abana benshi babikora ariko bamara gukura aho ababyeyi batakibafiteho ububasha maze bakigenga uko babyumva. Ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko muri iyi miryango uretse no kuba hari gitsure cyinshi ariko hahora intonganya, kurwana kwa hato na hato n’ubwumvikane buke bw’abashakanye kuburyo abahaba baba barabuze aho bahungira.

Abana barezwe muri ubu buryo abenshi muri bo bahorana agahinda mu mutima kuko ibyo bakorerwa nta muntu wabibatura. Ni bato rwose kuburyo batabona aho kubihungira. Uretse ko hari abajya bafata umwanzuro ukabasanga ku muhanda, kwa ba nyirakuru kandi kuburyo batifuza gusubira iwabo.  Ntibigirira icyizere kandi ntabwo bajya bafata iyambere mu kugira ibyo bakora. Kuko igihe cyose bashakaga  kugira icyo bagerageza gukora barabibujijwe bikomeye kandi iyo bagikoraga bakakica aho kubakosora barakubitwaga bityo aho kugirango bazakomeze kubabazwa, bagafata umwanzuro wo kubireka burundu cg bakareka abandi bakabanza bo bakazabikora nyuma. N’abana gusabana no gutsinda mu ishuri bigora cyane maze bikabaviramo ibibazo bikomeye kuko ubuzima bwabo buhora mu kurengana. Iyo ari iwabo aba adatuje ariko bakamusaba gutsinda mu ishuri, yagera mu ishuri kwiga bikamugora maze rimwe na rimwe abarimu ,abo bigana ntibamwiyumvamo, ibi bituma atsindwa maze yagera mu rugo akabihanirwa bikomeye umwana akibera muri ubwo buzima yabuze aho ahungira.

Hari benshi barezwe muri ubu buryo ndetse n’ibindi tutabasha gusobanura, umubare munini wabo nabo iyo babaye ababyeyi niko barera kandi baba bafite ibikomere by’iyo mibereho.  Uzumva umwana yatse ababyeyi be ticket ijya ku ishuri y’amafaranga Magana atanu, wumve baramusubije bati “ariko abana bubu murateta hano hirya niho utagenda n’amaguru? Ugende cg nutagenda urorere. Ngewe nize na data atazi aho niga nkanswe wowe nishyurira ishuri. Umwana agafata igikapu, agakora urugendo rw’amasaha 2 cg arenga ariko rwose iyo bamuha 500 byari kumworohera kugerayo, yinjira mu kigo n’umunaniro wenda n’ivumbi, iyo mibereho yuzuye ipfunwe ntabwo ajya ayibagirwa. Icyakora hari nabo bitera imbaraga zo gukora kugirango hatazagira abamukomokaho babaho muri ubwo buzima.

Uburyo bwa gatatu bwo kurera: ukurera bajeyi

 Ababyeyi barera muri ubu buryo bagira urukundo rwinshi rw’abana ariko ntibigishe  abana ikinyabupfura. ibi usanga akenshi babikura ku kuba bararerewe mu muryango irera bajeyi cg se kuba bararerewe mu muryango ureresha igitsure cyinshi maze bo bagahitamo kuzaha abana babo umudendezo urenze urugero.  Hari imiryango winjiramo uri umushyitsi abana ntibatinye kugucira mu maso, kugukandagira cg kugutuka kandi n’ababyeyi babo bareba.  Aho kugirango ababyeyi be bamukosore ahubwo ukumva baravuze bati “wa mwana we warananiye, ubundi ubona uzisazira”. Bafata umwanya wo gusobanura impamvu y’amakosa y’abana babo ariko ntibaba bashaka kuyakosora. Muri uyu muryango abana bagira uburenganzira bukabije kuburyo ntawabasha kubahana. Abana barezwe muri ubu buryo akenshi barasuzugura bikabije, barahubuka, ntacyo batakubwira, barikunda, ntibashobora kwifatira icyemezo kandi ubona ari abanebwe. Ku ishuri murababona bahora batuka abarezi, cg abo bigana bati “unkoreho papa arakuvuna”.

Uburyo bwa kane bwo kurera: ukurera ntibindeba cg ntacyo nitayeho

Aba ni ababyeyi barangwa no kugira urukundo rucye rw’abana kandi nta n’umurongo bajya baha abana babo. Mbese umuntu yavuga ngo abana bariragira bakicyura. Ni ababyeyi baba bameze nk’abatereranye abana kuko abana batajya babona ubitaho haba mu marangamutima cg mu buryo bugaragara. Imiryango idafite ubushobozi, usanga abana barwaye bwaki, inda, imbaragasa, amavunja n’ibindi kandi bikaba ari bwo buryo bwabo bwo kubaho kuburyo ushobora no kubaza impamvu abana babo barware amavunja bakakubwirako bayabaroga.  Kubona ibyo kurya biba bigoranye kuko ababyeyi usanga iteka bavugako ari abakene batashobora gutunga urugo nyamara ayo bahingiye yose bakayanywera inzoga, maze bagera mu rugo amahoro akabura ubwo. Imiryango nk’iyi iyo uyibajije icyo wayikorera akenshi ivugako wayikiza ubukene, maze hakaba hari igihe abagiraneza bayitera inkunga uko bashoboye ariko kuko batakoze ku isoko y’ikibazo, ya mafaranga babahaye abaviramo amahane, gushwana no gusubira inyuma kurusha aho bahoze. Aya mafaranga atarimo inyigisho, atuma na wa mwanya muto bajyaga baboneka murugo ubura burundu maze abana bagateseka kurushaho. Ababyeyi rwose Bagaragara neza akanya gato, amafaranga babahaye bakayishimishamo, abana babo bakabibabariramo ariko wabasura nyuma y’iminsi mike rwose bakakuririra bagusaba ayandi bati “Erega yayandi yaguye mu muriro w’ibibazo ubu uduhaye andi twakwiteza imbere rwose”

Kurera ntibindeba ariko ntibigaragara mu miryango itishoboye gusa kuko no miryango yishoboye, usanga umubyeyi w’umugabo ava murugo saa kumi nimwe cg n’ebyiri agiye ku kazi, ubwo abana baba bari kujya kwiga, akarangiza akazi saa kumi nimwe agahitira ku ishuri nimugoroba, akava ku ishuri ahitira mu kabari agataha saa tanu abana baryamye. Maze muri weekend akaba arananiwe akabwira abo mu rugo ati” Mubwire abo bana ntihagire usakuza ndananiwe nshaka kuruhuka”. Hari n’igihe inshuro nyinshi aza yasinze maze amahoro akabura mu muryango. Abana babaho babona se ariko batajya baganira nawe. Iyo bagerageje kubimubaza rimwe na rimwe akabasubiza yemye ati “hari ibiryo mwabuze, minerval ntiyishyuye, ntimwambara neza none mushaka iki? “ariko abana bakeneye ibirenze ibyo babyeyi. Hari n’igihe rero umubyeyi w’umugore nawe biba ari uko afite akazi kamuboshye cyane, maze kubera guhangayikishwa n’imibereho y’umugabo we, akava mu kazi ajya mu masengesho, kandi nibura buri cyumweru akaba ari mu butayu. Maze abana bagasigara birera gusinda no gusenga ntacyo biri kubafasha. Abana barezwe batya abenshi muri bo barasuzugura, baba ibyigegenge, ntabwo baca bugufi, kandi nta ntego bagira mu buzima bwabo. 

Nkuko tumaze kubibona uburere bubi bugira ingaruka ku buzima bw’abana mu buryo bazabaho n’uburyo bazarera.  Icyakora si abana bose bagirwaho n’ingaruka mbi kuko hari bakeya  uburere bubi butuma bagira ubushobozi bwo kuzahangana n’ibibazo byo muri ubu buzima no kurinda abazabakomokaho guhurana ibibazo nkibyo.  None wowe warezwe ute? Ese byakugizeho ngaruka Ki? Ese urera abana bawe ute? Umuhanzi w’umunyarwanda Byumvuhore ati “bibananiza iki, ibintu bitagombera amashuri, ntibinagombe amafaranga, ntibinasuzuguze ubugize, ati mbibarize bibananiza iki” Twebwe rero rwose twaje gusanga kubinanirwa atari ubushake, ahubwo umuntu atanga icyo afite, ariko birashoboka ko twabihindura, tugahinduka maze tugatangira guha abana bacu umurage mwiza wuje ubumuntu n’amahoro. Urifuza kumenya uko wakora ngo noneho imirerere yawe ibe imirerere iboneye ifasha umwana gukura anezerewe maze igisekuru cyawe ntikizabeho ubuzima nk’ubwawe? Ntuzacikwe n’ikiganiro cyacu gitaha.

Byanditswe na MUTUYIMANA Celestin