Ijambo ni kimwe mu bintu bikomeye bigize ikiremwemuntu. Abahanga mu by’amateka bavugako abantu batangiye kuvugahashize imyaka isaga 30.000. Abemera Imana bo bakemeza badashidikanya ko Ijambo ryatangiranye no kuremwa ku isi. Ijambo ni igikoresho gifite imbaraga zikomeye mu buzima bw’umuntu kandi rifite ubugi bukeba ku mpande zombi. Aha ndavuga ku ruhande rw’ikibi n’ikiza. Ijambo niryo ritanga ububasha uwari woroheje none ukumva yabaye ukomeye, ariko ni naryo ryambura ububasha uwari ukomeye none agahinduka uworoheje, rirakomeretsa, ariko riranomora, riricisha, ariko riranarakiza, riteranya abakundanda, ariko ryunga abanganye, rirubaka ariko riranasenya. Mbere yo gushyira mu ngiro igikorwa icyo aricyo cyose, kibanzirizwa n’ijambo ricyemeza. Iyo ari ijambo ryiza icyo gikorwa ntakabuza nacyo kiba cyiza ariko iyo ari ribi icyo gikorwa nacyo kiba kibi. Niyo mpamvu umuntu ukoresha ijambo agomba kumenya imbaraga zaryo kuko uburyo azahitamo kurikoresha nibwo buzatuma ibikorwa bye biba byiza cg bibi.
Tugendeye ku mbaraga ijambo rifite birumvikana ko hari amagambo adakwiye kubwirwa abantu. Umwe mu bahanga mu by’ubucurabwenge witwa sineke yaravuze ati? Amacumu akomemeretsa umubiri ariko amagambo mabi akomeretsa roho. Umugani w’abashinwa ugira uti « Igihe cyose ijambo rikikurimo utararivuga icyo gihe riracyari iryawe ntawe ryagira icyo ritwara ariko igihe warivuze, icyo gihe riba ryabaye irya rusange. Abanyarwanda nabo bati Akarenze umunwa karushya ihamagara, kandi bati akari ku mutima gasesekara ku munwa. Bibiliya nayo iti ujye ubuza ururimi rwawe rutavuga ikibi n’iminwa itavuga iby’uburiganya. Kandi iti ururimi rukiza n’igiti cy’ubugingo ariko urugoreka rukomeretse umutima.
Amagambo meza, anogera uyavuze ndetse n’uyabwiwe. Nta muntu numwe ujya unezezwa no gutukwa, kumva abamusebya abatamwishimiye, abamusuzugura n’ibindi. Ndetse uzumva benshi muri twe tuvuga ko twanga umuntu utubwira nabi. Niyo mpamvu natwe mu buzima bwacu aho tuba, aho dukorera, aho tugenda dukwiye gutangira kwirinda amagambo akomeretsa, tugafasha abantu kuryoherwa n’ubuzima, maze ibyo twifuza ko batugirira akaba ari nabyo natwe tugirira abandi.
Ariko se ubundi amagambo mabi, akomeretsa umuntu ayakura hehe? Muri rusange umuntu avuka atazi kuvuga, kandi atanasobanukiwe n’ikitwa ikiza cg ikibi. Uko agenda akura niko ubwonko bwe bukura, bugasobanukirwa, noneho akagenda yiga buri kimwe cyose yumvise kugirango nawe ajye agikoresha mu buzima bwe bwa buri munsi. Abana ntabwo bavuka bazi gutukana, kurwana, kuvuga nabi, kunegurana, kwangana, n’ibindi ibi byose barabyiga. Niyo mpamvu babyeyi namwe barezi twongeye kubasaba kuba urugero rwiza rw’abana banyu. Ibyo abarera abana babatoza nibyo bakora kandi bikazabagiraho ingaruka mu gihe cyizaza.
Usanga ababyeyi benshi n’abarezi bibwirako amagambo babwira abana babo ntacyo abatwara, ariko rwose, abandi bagahangana nabyo bakazabirinda n’abandi.
Ariko abantu benshi usanga bavugako abana bibagirwa vuba ko amagambo babwirwa ntacyo abatwara. Nyamara amagambo mabi abwiwe abana arabakomeretsa, bakumva nabo bagira icyo bakubwira ariko kubera gutinya ibihano bikakaye byakurikiraho bakabyibikamo, maze nawe murezi ukagirango ntacyo byabatwaye. Ibi byose bigaragara iyo bamaze gukura, ukabona bahorana umushiha ku kazi kabo, mungo zabo hahora intonganya, abana babo nabo bakabura amahoro nuko tukaguma muri urwo ruhererekane. None wakwibaza uti none ni ayahe magambo ashobora gukomeretsa umwana ngo tuyirinde.
Kumuhimba amazina mabi nka kibwa, rubebe, nayandi. Kumutesha agaciro no ku mutuka nko kumubwirako ari igicucu ntacyo azimarira. Hari ababyeyi bakunda bakunda kujora abana babo babagereranya n’abo bashakanye. Ukumva bamubwiye bati wa mwana we uri uwa nyoko cg uri uwaso. Bene izi mvugo zituma umwana atangira kwibaza koko niba ari muzima no kwibaza niba uwo mubyeyi ukunda kubimubwira ari umubyeyi umubyara koko.
Hari ababyeyi nubwo baba babana n’abana munzu ariko ugasanga abana baramaze kwakira ko ababyeyi babo babatereranye. Iyo umubyeyi abwira umwana ati icyiza nuko uba utaravutse, cg ukarerwa nundi muntu aho kugirango unserereze, ibi bituma umwana yumva adakenewe mu muryango. Bimuremamo intimba idashira kandi bigatuma nta muntu agirira icyizere. Ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko abana bakunda kubwirwa aya magambo nta kintu gipfa kubanezeza.
Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na Kaminuza ya Harvard bwagaragajeko ababyeyi bakunda gutonganya abana babo ari nabo bakunda kubakubita. Ababyeyi kenshi bahora babwira amagambo mabi abana, bagenda babika inzika, maze umunsi umwe bakazafata wa mujinya wose bakawutura umwana bagenda bamusubiriramo inshuro bamwihanganiye. Ubu bushakashatsi bwerekanye ko bene iyi migirire ituma umwana nawe atangira kubika inzika. Gutuka umwana, unamukubita, birakomeretsa cyane bituma abana bagutinya rwose kandi ntibakwizere. Uzasanga abana bavuga bati aho kuntuka wankubita bikarangira.
Andi magambo akomeretse umwana nukumubwira ko ariwe soko y’ibibazo umuryango ufite. Hari ababyeyi babwira abana bati iyo mba ntagufite ngo unserereze gutya nanjye ubu mba meze neza. Hari ighe nk’umwana aba ari mu mikino agakomeretsa mugenzi we atabishaka maze umubyeyi akumva aramubwiye ati « mpora mbi kubwira ko uri ikigoryi, iyo uza kuba uri nk’abandi bana ubu ntuba unteje aya makuba yose». Hari nabahora bababwira ko barya imitsi yabo ko iyo baba batabafite baba barateye imbere. Bene izi mvugo zirasesereza maze zigatuma umwana yiyumva nk’umuntu mubi udakwiriye kwishima cg kugirirwa imbabazi. Hari gihe nawe yumvako icyo yakora cyose ntawamushima agahitamo gukora uko abyumva akiri muto.
Hari n’igihe ababyeyi bakoresha imvugo yuzuye urwenya ariko ikababaza cyane umwana. Nk’igihe umwana agize ibyago akamena icyintu noneho umubyei cg umurezi ukumva aramubwiye ati nari ngatangaye ukwibwiriza wari ugize ko kwari kugusiga amahoro. Nibyo koko wabivuze woroheje ariko umwana arashishoza cyane akumva ko ari ukumutesha agaciro. Mwibukeko inshuro nyinshi abana badashobora na gato kuvuga ikibabaje kubera gutinya ibihano. Ibyo tubabwira akenshi baricecekera bakabigumana bikababera igikomere.
Gutongana, guteshanya agaciro, cg kurwana hagati y’abashakanye niyo mpamvu rurangiza ituma abana bakomeretswa n’amagambo mabi. Ubushakashatsi bwakorewe muri kaminuza ya Maryland, mu gihugu cya Baltimore, bwerekanye ko abana babona ababyeyi babo batukana bakunze kugira indwara yo y’agahinda gakabije no guhangayika, ndetse no guhura n’ibibazo byinshi byo mu mitekerereze n’imibanire y’abantu. Igitangaje kandi nuko ubu bushakashatsi bwerekanye ko guterana amagambo hagati y’ababyeyi byababaje abana kuruta ihohoterwa rishingiye ku mubiri hagati y’ababyeyi. Babyeyi muharanire ko urugo rwanyu ruba umunezero w’ababagana bose, mwereke urugero rwiza abana maze urugo rwanyu rube ahataba umubabaro, intonganya n’agahinda, mu yandi magambo urugo rube ikicaro cy’ibyiza, ijuru rito. Ibi buri muryango ubishyize mu mihigo, umutekano n’amahoro arambye yaboneka.
Ariko hari benshi bavuga ko bitashoboka kubera ubukene ariko abanyarwanda babivuga neza bati ahatari umwaga uruhu rw’imbaragasa rwisasira batanu. Nonese nizihe ngaruka zo kuba mu mibereho yo kubwirwa amagambo akomeretsa.
Uretse n’umwana umuntu wese wabayeho atukwa ateshwa agaciro bishobora kumugiraho ingaruka zikurikira: Kumva ntacyo amaze. Umwana wabwiwe cyane ko ari igicucu ntacyo azimarira, ageraho nawe ukumva ko bishobora kuba ari ukuri. Akwibwira mu mutima we ati «ubanza Ndi umuswa,” cyangwa “Nta maraso yo gukundwa mfite” Yiyumva nkuwatereranwe kandi agahoranana agahinda. Hari nabagaragaza ibikorwa byo kwigirira nabi, akikomeretsa cg akitera nk’icyuma. Kaminuza ya Humpshire yagaragajeko ko abana benshi babwiwe amagambo mabi bakurana umutima w’amahane, intonganya, kurwana cg kugirira nabi inyamaswa. Ubu bushakashatsi kandi bwagaraje ko amagambo mabi abwirwa abana atuma badakura neza haba mu gihagararao, mu mibanire no bwenge. Ibi bigatuma bibagora kugira inshuti, gutsinda mu ishuri, kandi bagasubira inyuma cyane kuburyo ushobora kubona umwana w’imyaka irenga icumi anyara kuburiri. Byagaragaye kandi ko amagambo mabi abwirwa abana atinda mu muntu bigatuma nawe yazavamo umubyeyi urera nkuko yarezwe, yihebye kandi ntacyijya kimunezeza.
Hari ighe waba umze kumva ibi byose ukaba wumva ushaka kumenya icyo wakora ngo guhera none wirinde gukomeretsa umwana wawe cg abandi bantu muhura nabo ukoresheje amagambo. Ubusanzwe ababyeyi cg abarezi babwira abana nabi kubera impamvu zikurikira, kutamenya ubundi buryo wakosoramo umwana wawe, kuko munyigisho twahawe nuko utabwiwe nabi atisubiraho, imyumvire yuko gutonganya umwana ari kimwe mu bimwereka ko umukunda cyane kandi umwitaho, kutabasha kugenzura amarangamutima no kuba mu mateka y’umubyeyi cg umurezi yararezwe abwirwa amagambo mabi n’ababyei, abarimu cg abantu bakuru.
Niyo mpamvu Igihe uzajya wumva ufite uburakari cg udatuje ni byiza kwirinda kugira icyo ubwira umwana. Ibuka ko ari wowe muntu afite wo kwigana , uko witwara niko azitwara, niba rero bikunanira kwihangana, ugatakaza ubumuntu, ukagaragaza amahane wibukeko nawe ariko azabigenza.
Nubona umwana aguye mu ikosa cg akozeikintu cyatuma uvuga nabi, banza ufate akanya, ujye nko hanze, witekerezeho, utekereze nicyo kumubwira n’uburyo bwo kubimubwiramo. Hangana n’ikibazo ubonye ako kanya, wifata umwanya ujya mu mateka y’ibitaragenze neza, tega amatwi umwana wawe kandi umwereke ko umukunda, gerageza kuburyo urukundo ukunda umwana ruganza umujinya yaguteye, umujinya ntugaragara mu magambo gusa, n’uburyo dusa uko tumeze byerekana ko tubabaye, gerageza kugira isura nziza ituma n’uwakosheje yakwegera, kandi yakugeraho ukamwakiriza ineza. Nibigenda gutyo ibyo uzakora byose ntabwo bizaba biyobowe n’amaranga mutima kandi bizagira ingaruka nziza.
Byashoboka ko waba urera neza abana ariko ukaba uzi abana bahohoterwa aho utuye. Wibirebera rwose ahubwo kora uko ushoboye n’umutima woroheje wegere umubyeyi cg umurezi umwigishe uburyo bukwiriye bwo kudahutaza umwana umugaragarize ‘ingaruka zabyo. Ibi bisaba kwitonda no guca bugufi kuko usanga ababyeyi bavuga ko ntawabarusha imbabazi ku bana babo, igihe rero bidakunze nyamuneka wakwiyambaza inzego zibishinzwe, kuko kurebera ko abana bahohoterwa, ni nko kubaka inzu ku musenyi. Nkuko twabibonye kurera bisaba kuba urugero rwiza, kandi bikomoka mu bumenyi urera afite nawe yahawe n’abamureze, cg abo yagiye ahura nabo mu buzima. umubyeyi wakubiswe, ntagitangaza akubise abo yabyaye, umubyeyi watutswe ntagitangaza atutse abo yabyaye kandi atitaye ku ngaruka bizagira. None se ko ijambo ryiza ari mugenzi w’Imana ubwo Ijambo ribi ni mugenzi w’iki?Uwakoresheje iyo mvugo naho yagarukije.
Byanditswe na Mutuyimana Celestin
